so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
