my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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