I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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