i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
