I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
