Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
