i wish my penis had a tongue
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't deserve a penis
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
