can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
