Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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