just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
