If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
