Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
