i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
