Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
