I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
