do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
