I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
