She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
