I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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