this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
