i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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