Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
