is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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