people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
