I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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