Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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