no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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