Who wears a wallet chain?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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