I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
