Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
