I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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