it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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