Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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