the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Boobs are out for the taking
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
