I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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