i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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