You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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