my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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