ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize