Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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