I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
