from now on my penis is your penis
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
