Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
