I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The uberlube is also flammable
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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