Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
its liver damage thursday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
