May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
