So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
