My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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