why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
