Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
