Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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