exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
