redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
