Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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