Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
