I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
this hospital has no fireball
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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