i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
