I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
