He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
