wakey wakey hands off snakey
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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