Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
