Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
