I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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