Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
