She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
