I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
