My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize